September 26, 2002

Hi Guy
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I would like to begin this week's newsletter to thank the guy that made it all possible, Mr. Guy Schwartz, that without his infatuation to the holy green ($$$ - not the other thing) we would not have a NordLead II for the jam sessions we held on Sunday and Tuesday. Guy you are a good person and i wish you all the best! we shall hopefully see you soon back in israel.

Pearl Jam
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We started Jamming on sunday, only oran and I. then Arnon came; for me it was an experience, i believe that most of you would have gotten bored from it, but this was my mental therapy of this year. Sitting near a pool, with my guitar and friends, playing and letting my soul out. I think every one of us should have his own 'place' to do so. I need to find mine.

No Woman, No Cry
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Found out some things this week that got the better of me. Our cat died, and for the first time in a year i cried. and then i understood. it seems that in the last year there were no situations that i could not handle, until this one. maybe it makes me more human, maybe not - but i really feel bad about it and nothing i do can ease my mind.

Cable Guy
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After 2 months of trying to un-subscribe from the cables, it seems that now we're closer than ever! the _kind_ people of 'Arutzey Zahav' have finally agreed to disconnect us from their system so we can stop paying them around 200 Shequels per month. not that i expect any answers, but IS IT WORTH IT? gazing at a telescreen (1984) for money? so i decided to re-balance my resources and use the money for more satisfying activities.

Amsterdam?
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Well, 400$ and i can be there for a weekend. I _do_ have the money, and i do have the will, but should i? why should i run from a reality to an alternate one. I don't need running - i need a reality. I thought about it seriously, and the only reason i have to go to amsterdam is to have a different weekend than in israel, a one that i force myself to have 'fun' and am i really having fun if i'm not doing it here? maybe the 400$ can be spent on Clothes/Food/Alcohol/Music/Movies/Parties. and then
came my new idea:

Introducing The.....
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Amazing "Jonathan J. Klinger Do Something Contest"
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Well, I have 400$, that's around 2000 shequels to _SPEND_; and I invite each and every one of you to suggest what to do with a 1000 Nis, and to join me (make note - i am not assuring that i give you a 1000 Nis per each idea, I am suggesting that if there is a good idea of what to do with the money, and i do it with you i will pay for it.) I excluded the following activities from the contest:
(1) Buying Drugs
(2) All you can drink night
(3) Skydiving
(4) Renting a Porsche and driving 400 Km/h on ayalon while banging into cars only because its a rental and i don't care
(5) Buying _any_ electrical equipment
(6) Going to _any_ party
You have until next week to send your suggestion - and again - there are no certain winners, and you must participate in the activity with me to get the remuneration.

Show me the way....
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I sat and had a drink with maya the other week, and she told me that she took an alcoholism test with 13 question and _aced_ it with a 9! so i decided to write our own alcoholism test just to make sure that none of us are alcoholics and that we can all be healthy until we are 120.
Technical point: Beer is not considered alcohol for this test.

Answer the following questions by Yes/No
(1) Do you drink alcoholic beverages from the bottle?
(2) Do you feel a need for a drink when you wake up?
(3) Do you need alcohol to find the people of the other sex more attractive?
(4) Have you ever had intercourse without intoxicating the other party first?
(5) Have you woken up in a bed, not knowing where, why and who is next to you?
(6) Do you believe that alcohol improves your conception of reality?
(7) Have you sold any possessions (including rectal virginity) in order to obtain alcohol?
(8) Do you buy alcohol by the bulk? (not once in a while, i mean having a real order card at an alcohol retailer)
(9) Do you spend more than 10% of your monthly income in pubs/bars/whore houses?
(10) Are you an alcoholic?

Well the grading goes something like this,
You count the 'yes's and add them to a number, if the number is bigger than 5 multiply it by 3, if it is less than 5 multiply it by 5. then take the number of 'no's and subtract it from the last number. power the
number by 27 and then comes the last part:
look at the last question and see whether you answered yes or no.

not funny, but it's worth the while

Every Good Thing Must Come To An End
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And so is this newsletter; after me concluding and adding my assessment of the last weeks, stating the improvement/decay of my mental state. The last two weeks were kind of easy since i didn't have to go to school, however, the free time makes you nervous. i understood that by keeping myself constantly busy i can make myself forget the sorrow of life i live. maybe all i need to do is to get a life. I know that i treated most of the people close to me really bad in the last two weeks, but it was without malice, i only had a minor crisis to overcome. I hope that you can forget it. Sorry for not returning any calls/not answering the phone/not coming to important events/not willing to participate in group sex/not being able to be there for you guys. i needed my rest. and i am sure that it would come soon. Freedom is just a mouse click away......

Personal Notes?
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I Don't think that there are any this week.

Love you guys, keep up the good work
--
Jonathan J. Klinger

September 15, 2002

Redemption Songs, Redemption Songs
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Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, the holiest of the holy and I'm sure that most of you will be attending some kind of religious ceremony - either playing poker or getting pissed drunk. but i wanted to say a few things to make this easier since i don't know how to explain it. the religious part is actually bullshit but the part between people isn't. the fact is that nobody actually wrote to say he's sorry or to ask my forgiveness. i feel bad about it.

Party
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Next week we are having a small gathering of people at my grandparents. i hope that we can bring around a hundred people and have a feast. i plan on free margaritas and twisting by the pool for a day and a half. the proper day and time shall be notified as soon as we find what to do. i hope that you can contribute to the party with your lovely presence. The party is for TWO DAYS and i hope that we can arrange some kind of activity there. PLEASE HELP ME HELP US HAVE FUN.

The Cat is out of the bag.
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Tal(iban), our cat had started acting nicely to people for not obvious reason. any cat psychologist is invited to help us. he had done numerous cute things at home and i just can't blame him. Actually, he shit on my guitar case once, but that is all.

I Want to ride my Bicycle
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Meir and I had bought bikes and started driving in the open land around. we had a marvelous trip yesterday to the Appolonia reservation and back home. i think about doing a real trek later this month.

iCECAFE.
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We bought a new blender with ice shredder so we can make ice coffee at home. everyone is invited for a cup. Bring your own ice.

Points
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(1) Yoav wrote a letter - i am so happy.
(2) Guy - Happy Birthday! Do let us know what you wish to be done for your arrival
(3) Oran - Help ! i need Help for the party.
(4) Meir - Don't forget to feed the cat.
(5) Nelly - I'm coming to visit next week (Sukut) for a day or two. let me know what should i bring
(5) Amir - Happy Birthday!


Don't do anal sex, it causes rectal infirmity.

--
Jonathan J. Klinger

September 06, 2002

The Taliban Had Won The War
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I can't believe he eats that much, our new cats eats 4 times a day, and he finishes a box of canned meat per day. the only possibility i thought of is that meir ate the canned meat since i don't allow him meat in the house. he is so cute, he plays all day with our shit. well, alls well in the apartment but the mess he is causing (i still cause my mess) and i think he scared all the cockroaches.

The Drugs Don't Work
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My last intoxication attempt, this tuesday, was annulled by my mood. i tried to drink, and after a long island (1 shot tequila, one shot vodka, one shot gin, one shot whiskey, one shot rum and some orange juice) and a golden schnapps (cinnamon schnapps with golden leaves) i felt bad. i don't know why, it wasn't alcohol bad, it was the blues. i haven't felt them in a long time. i came home and put 'requiem for a dream' on my divx player and started to stare.

Wrote A Song - Wanna Hear it?
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My artistic side got the better of me this week, i wrote some stuff that i felt like writing and composed it. i decided an executive decision that from now on each one of my ex-girlfriends would get a compilation CD with the songs i wrote about her so she'd see what she lost. it sounds like a good idea, all i need now is to record the shit. i would appreciate any assistance.

Yom Kippour
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This section is really important, since most of the time i think i am fault proof - i would only do this once. i am asking for forgiveness for the things I've done. and i am willing to forgive everything - yes everything, at the price of redemption. so here it goes, i`ll try to think of the bad deeds I've done, not only in the last year but all along my life. this is the only way I'm sure i can be free from err. so please, forgive me for the things I've done, since I've done most of the unknownfully. and the people who want my forgiveness for things i do not know about, just tell me. i won't get mad. I'm currently at a stage of total relaxation.

Enough Bullshitting for a day,

Love, Hate and all other things you want.

--
Jonathan J. Klinger